Ep 40: A Grand Finale with All The Feelings

To the left, Momma B pictured here with Juliet at their lunch in Pittsburgh and to the right, RGB!

To the left, Momma B pictured here with Juliet at their lunch in Pittsburgh and to the right, RGB!

How do we say goodbye in the grandest of ways? We voyage to a land of flashbacks, jinglecrafts and one of our shamefully-favorite childhood TV shows. Let's just say we'll all be Saved by The Good Advice. With the help of a special guest, our producer & editor, Juliet Hinely, we’ve made you a super nostalgic thank you note, so you’ll never forget us!

Our episode references in this show:

Other things to make you laugh:

If you miss us:


Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and Sound Design by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks: www.lovejerks.com/

Thanks to Juliet for not only being the best guest we’ve ever had on the show but also for her tireless work on this entire series. Thank you for being such an amazing partner in creating this show. What a journey it has been! Thanks for taking a chance on me!

A special thanks to Jocelyn Frank for connecting me with Juliet. Be sure to check out Jocelyn’s Sound Scene exhibition at the Hirschorn Museum in Washington DC next summer.

This show would not have been possible without the generous loving support of our friends and loved ones… our husbands, Jerome, Bryan, and Narooz. Our friends: Carla, Carrie, Jean, Julie, Lori, Mary Beth, Mike, Paula, Mary Lynn, Diana, Diane, Lani, Geraldine, Millie, Zak, Stephanie, Marianne, Samaland, Lisa, Sissi, Annie B, Aviva, Sydney, Kate, Emily, Michael, Sadia, Avery, Reba, Serena, Ginny, Jane, Blair, Natalie, Elliot, Amy, Ali, and I’d also like to send hugs out to my sisters of assorted varieties: Laura, Cheryl, Sylvia, and Heather.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

Ep 39: Architecting an Artful Exit

episode-39-artful-exit.jpg

Is it possible to leave a job with grace, respect, and a feeling of success?

This episode explores how to quit your job well. Thanks to a listener letter from Architecting an Artful Exit, we dive into the emotions, the logistics, and the conversations required to make an elegant exit. We’ll even sing you a never-ending song that will motivate you to practice (endings).

Today’s guest is a creative career advice podcast celeb. Kathleen Shannon is one half of the duo behind the wildly popular podcast Being Boss. Their podcast offers advice on the mindset, habits, routines, boundaries, and strategies that help creatives make a living doing what they love. The podcast has over 6 million downloads and has even become a book! Running Press published Being Boss: Take Control of Your Work and Live Life on Your Terms in April of 2018.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:

MYRO: Get 50% off your first order and get started today for just $5! Visit mymyro.com/pickleball and use promo

code “pickleball”

Special thanks to Kavita Raghavan of Indian Paradox for being part of this episode. Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and Sound Design by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks: www.lovejerks.com/

Ep 38: Frustrated Sugar Mama with Dr. Sue Johnson

episode-38-dr-sue.jpg

What do you do when you’re dreaming big, but your partner is just snoozing? What if you feel bitter about footing the bill, but your long-term relationship isn’t budging?

This episode explores relationship questions that affect so many couples: How do we understand ourselves and our mates? How do we truly communicate in a relationship? Thanks to a listener letter from Frustrated Sugar Mama, we two-step our way through these questions and more. We even learn the The Protest Polka!

Momma B & so many psychologists out there are thrilled for you to meet today’s guest, Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Couples and Family Therapy (EFT). Dr. Johnson is also the author of the best-selling book, Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.


MOMMA B’S & DR. SUE’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS



Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:

ZOLA: To start your free wedding website or registry on Zola, go to www.zola.com/pickleball

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Dr. Johnson’s interview was recorded in British Columbia, by Katie Sage! Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

Ep 37: A Second Helping for The Holidays

Photo by Stokes, Jim. Governor Collins' daughter Darby with Thanksgiving turkey at mansion - Tallahassee, Florida. 1959. Black & white photoprint, 4 x 4 in. State Archives of Florida, Florida Memory. accessed 20 November 2018.

Photo by Stokes, Jim. Governor Collins' daughter Darby with Thanksgiving turkey at mansion - Tallahassee, Florida. 1959. Black & white photoprint, 4 x 4 in. State Archives of Florida, Florida Memory. accessed 20 November 2018.

Just in time to make you say “I love the HoliYAYs,” we’ve dusted off our very first MomNet episode. Hear Detective Momma B PhD sleuth her way through some hearty family-induced stress scenarios. If you’re already on your second listen, we promise this episode just keeps getting butter. More about the Iowa Butter Cow.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and Sound Design by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

Ep 36: Poetry Corner: "Children Learn What They Live"

ep-36-poem.jpg

How do childhood experiences affect our adult behaviors? We're getting literary to find some answers with one of Momma B PhD’s favorite poems!


MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS


Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:

ZOLA: To start your free wedding website or registry on Zola, go to www.zola.com/pickleball

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Show editing by Juliet Hinely. Check out Juliet’s other show, Believed: believed.michiganradio.org Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. New album out now.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

Ep 35: Attack of The Cringe with Dr. Ellen Hendriksen of Savvy Psychologist

episode-35-dr-ellen.jpg

Have you ever been haunted by an ancient memory? Or spooked by an intrusive thought? This Halloween episode explores the fears that many of us experience. Thanks to a listener letter from Anxious in Ann Arbor, we dive into social anxiety and cringe attacks, whilst crafting you a waterproof metaphor for your anxiety.

Momma B is especially thrilled for you to meet today’s guest, Ellen Hendriksen, Ph.D. She is a clinical psychologist who helps millions calm their anxiety and be their authentic selves through her award-winning podcast, Savvy Psychologist, and her book, How to Be Yourself.

DR. MOM & DR. ELLEN’S COLLABORATIVELY PACKED BAG OF MENTAL HEALTH TREATS

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor: Green Chef: Get $50 off your first box of Green Chef.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. New album out this Friday.

Ep 34: Sexless Sourpuss with Erika Moen from Oh Joy Sex Toy

What do you do when you like sex way more than your partner? This episode goes places this mother-daughter duo never imagined when they are asked to answer a listener letter from Sexless Sourpuss. What will Rebecca deal when a show topic threatens to end her 27-year moratorium on talking to Momma B about S-E-X?

We are so excited for you to meet our guest for this show, Erika Moen, the talented cartoonist behind “Oh Joy Sex Toy” and co-author of the upcoming book, Drawn to Sex: The Basics, coming out on Nov 6! Buy it on Powell's or Amazon.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Hosted by Michael Austin Sui. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Erika’s interview was recorded by Jeni Wren Stottrup. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. Join us for our rock opera album premiere. Buy tickets.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

A SEXY GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Ep 33: Resenting My Rich Friends with Gaby Dunn

episode-33-gaby-Dunn.jpg

Have you ever felt jealous of a friend’s good fortune? Do those feelings get uglier when you know that their financial freedom is thanks to parental help? This episode answers a listener letter from Resenting My Rich Friends, and explores material resentment, the mental health implications of jealousy monsters, and what to do when everyone around you has an in-home bowling alley.

We are thrilled to include the guest advice of Gaby Dunn, host of the podcast and the upcoming book, Bad with Money (due out Jan 1, 2019).

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely and Samantha Land. Gaby’s interview was recorded by Emma Courtland. Special thanks to Heidi Vanderlee for arranging this interview. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. Join us for our rock opera album premiere. Buy tickets.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

Ep 32: Self-Care Sammiches with Lizz Winstead & Negin Farsad

Whether you’re building an organization, pitching your big idea, or harnessing your creative brilliance for social change, we are serving up some self-care sammiches in our first-ever advice cooking show and what might be our kookiest episode yet. We have two hilarious, wise, and self-reflective comedians as guests: Lizz Winstead of Lady Parts Justice and The Daily Show, and Negin Farsad of Fake the Nation. Let’s get that advice cookin’!


Lizz Winstead is the founder and chief creative officer of Lady Parts Justice League and one of the top political satirists working today. As co-creator and head writer of Comedy Central’s “The Daily Show,” she forever changed the way people get their news. Now with Lady Parts Justice League, Winstead has taken her satirical brilliance one step further, combining it with her passion for reproductive rights to expose anti-choice hypocrisy and inspiring a whole new model of activism. Follow her brilliance on Twitter.

Negin Farsad is host of Fake the Nation, a political comedy podcast on the Earwolf network and she’s a regular panelist on NPR’s Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. She is the author of How To Make White People Laugh, a memoir-meets-social-justice-comedy manifesto, which was nominated for the Thurber Prize for Humor and recommended by Oprah Magazine. She’s also the director/producer of the feature film, The Muslims Are Coming! Follow her brilliance on Twitter.

A BLACK & GOL’ GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

  • Why are we using the metaphor of a Pittsburgh Sammich, aka. a sandwich with the french fries and coleslaw inbetwixt the bread? Because it’s the PERFECT metaphor for good advice—combining unexpected things together and stacked things just so. The combination is delicious and nutritious! Also, because Momma B & Rebecca love Pittsburgh. Learn more about the wondrous world of the Pittsburgh sammich

  • Learn more about Pittsburghese

  • Feel your cares melt away while you watch this Julia Child highlight reel

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:

Prep Dish: Try a FREE 2-week trial of Prep Dish: PrepDish.com/pickleball

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Lizz and Negin’s interview was recorded at Argot Studios, by Paul Ruest. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.



Ep 31: Looking to Plant with Anna Sale

episode-31-Anna-Sale.jpg

Taking root in a new place can be hard, especially if it’s the 13th new place you’ve lived in the last 12 years! This episode answers a listener letter from Looking To Plant, and dives into understanding mood disorders, what it means to be a survivor, and the symbolism of a single succulent!

We are pleased to start off Season 3 with guest advice from the brilliant Anna Sale, the host and managing editor of Death, Sex & Money—WNYC’s interview show about the big questions and hard choices that are often left out of polite conversation.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:

Prep Dish: Try a FREE 2-week trial of Prep Dish: PrepDish.com/pickleball

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Anna Sale was recorded by Fernando Arruda. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

Ep 29: When To Be a Whistleblower—a Father’s Day Special

Here's Papa B as a young man in the 1950s, as a father in the 1980s and now as a prostate-cancer-combatting superhero in the todays!

Here's Papa B as a young man in the 1950s, as a father in the 1980s and now as a prostate-cancer-combatting superhero in the todays!

For Father's Day, Advice from Mom is turning the microphone on Momma B’s favorite man. Get ready for an epic story and some featherly wisdom from Poppa B! Most dads blowing whistles are refereeing their kids soccer game, but in this story of 1960s workplace woes, Papa B finds himself blowing the whistle on something much bigger and more sinister than he ever could have imagined at the tender age of 24. Dr. Momma B PhD shares mental health tips to help fortify yourself in similar situations, and Rebecca gives an update on her sperm-donor origin story in a follow-up on The Mystery of Dr. T.

PAPA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom by supporting our sponsor:

Rx Bars: For 25% off your first order, visit RXBAR.com/pickleball and enter the promo code: pickleball at checkout.

Thanks to Rabbi Batshir Torchio, Rebecca Joseph, Jocelyn Frank, and Dimitri Kalantzis for your resource help!

Special thank you to Jerry Bortman for sharing his story and being an awesome dad to Cheryl, Laura, and Rebecca and a stellar Zeta to Kevin & Allison and a tough but fair father-in-law to Mike & Bryan. We love you, Dad!!

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by my band, Love Jerks.

Ep 28: Dolores Huerta & Camila Chávez—mothering social action

On the left: Dolores in the 1940s. On the right: Dolores & Camila at The White House!

On the left: Dolores in the 1940s. On the right: Dolores & Camila at The White House!

If you don’t know who Dolores Huerta is yet, get ready to meet one of the most important activists in American history. Dolores has been organizing, rallying, and changing policy for workers’ rights and racial justice for over 70 years. In this grand finale of our “Meet the MAYtriarchy” special series, we chat with the living legend herself, and her youngest daughter, Camila Chávez, because Dolores didn’t just mother a movement, she also mothered 11 children at the same time.

Dolores Huerta was an equal partner in co-founding the first farm workers unions with Cesar Chávez. Tirelessly leading the fight for racial and labor justice, Huerta evolved into one of the most defiant feminists of the 20th century — and she continues the fight to this day, at 88. From her early years with the United Farm Workers to her work with the headline-making grape boycott launched in 1965 to her role in the feminist movement of the '70s, to her continued work as a fearless activist.

Camila Chávez is the Co-Founder and Executive Director of the Dolores Huerta Foundation (DHF). From the DHF headquarters in Bakersfield, Ms. Chávez oversees training for low-income community members in the areas of leadership and organizing skills specific to civic and electoral participation so that they can become catalysts for change in their own communities.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Special thank you to Tena Rubio to make our recording day with Dolores and Camila happen. Radio Bilingue for hosting us in Fresno and Luis Sanchez and the whole staff at The Dolores Huerta Foundation.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. This episode’s interview was recorded in two places at once: in Bakersfield with Tena Rubio and Stanton “Danny” Bringer and in Fresno at Radio Bilingue by Jorge Ramírez. Audio assistance, transportation, and dog rescue by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by my band, Love Jerks.

Ep 27: Peaches Christ & Veruca Bathsalts—mothering a cultural scene

AFM-MAY23-peaches.jpg

Peaches Christ, AKA Joshua Grannell, has mentored a whole generation of San Francisco drag performers, including the fantastically-tattooed Veruca Bathsalts, AKA Seth Shubin. In this third installment of Meet the MAYtriarchy, we talk to them both about the fellowship of performance, keeping drag transgressive, and how their creative contributions are part of a much bigger cultural movement and legacy.

Joshua Grannell is a filmmaker best known as his alter-ego “Peaches Christ”, an underground drag superstar and cult movie impresario.  Joshua is the writer and director of the feature film All About Evil. The award-winning dark comedy gore film stars Natasha Lyonne, Thomas Dekker, Cassandra Peterson, Mink Stole, and Peaches Christ herself.  Joshua’s infamous cult-movie parody events are produced by his company Peaches Christ Productions at the Castro Theatre and regularly draw over 2,000 attendees to each new show before touring the West Coast. Other Peaches hosted events have featured special guest stars John Waters, Cloris Leachman, Appolonia, Barry Bostwick, Pam Grier, and more. Peaches Christ has been featured in the films Milk, I Am Divine, Diary Of A Teenage Girl, Mansfield 66/67, and on HBO’s  Looking. In 2018, Joshua created a new company called "Into The Dark" that will produce immersive theatrical haunted shows in the Bay Area written & directed by him. The first show,Terror Vault, is happening at The San Francisco Mint in October.

Seth Shubin, the self-proclaimed "Jerk of all trades" (also known as his sometimes alter ego "Veruca Bathsalts") is a nanny and costume designer for Peaches Christ Productions by day, bartender, drag queen and event producer by night. Originally hailing from Philadelphia he moved to the bay in 2013 to live out the San Francisco hustle, pursuing all his hopes and dreams. Seth throws the widely popular queer punk night "Desperate Living” every first Friday of the month at The Stud as well as the bi-monthly over the top film series “Film School Drop Outs” at The Roxie Theater. A lover of Cats, Clowns and all things trash.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely and Samantha Land. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. This interview was recorded at KQED in San Francisco. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by my band, Love Jerks. Special thanks to Cass Adair for his help on this episode.

Ep 26: Emily Chang with her mother, Sandy—breaking up the boys club

Emily Chang with her mom, Sandy: now and then!

Emily Chang with her mom, Sandy: now and then!

On this second part of our special MAYtriarchy series, we explore mothering a culture of equality with Bloomberg Technology anchor, Emily Chang, in conversation with her own mother, Sandy. The author of Brotopia sheds light on the treatment of female technology professionals. We discuss Emily’s crusade for workplace equality, how Sandy combats her daughter’s book trolls, and the best advice Emily ever got from Sheryl Sandberg.

Emily Chang is the anchor and executive producer of Bloomberg Technology, a daily TV show focused on global technology and Bloomberg Studio 1.0, where she regularly speaks to top executives, investors, and entrepreneurs. She was previously a CNN correspondent based in Beijing and London, and has won five regional Emmy awards for her reporting. Her work has also appeared in Vanity Fair and Bloomberg Businessweek. Emily is a graduate of Harvard University and lives in San Francisco with her husband and three children.

Sandy Chang is a proud mom, grandmother, and writing teacher. She was born in Philadelphia, the middle child in a family of seven. She worked on Capitol Hill as a legislative writer while earning her Master's Degree at Georgetown University. That's where she met her late husband, a law student from Hawaii. They moved back to his hometown where they raised two daughters. Sandy has taught for three decades first at Punahou School in Honolulu and now at a private school in The Bay Area where she enjoys being closer to her children and grandchildren.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:

Care/of: For 25% off your first month of personalized care/of vitamins, visit www.takecareof.com  and enter “pickleball”.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely and Samantha Land. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. This interview was recorded at KQED in San Francisco. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by my band, Love Jerks.

Ep 25: Dr. Harriet Lerner—how we think about mothers

On the left, Dr. Lerner as a young mom. On the right, Dr. Lerner today!

On the left, Dr. Lerner as a young mom. On the right, Dr. Lerner today!

To kick off our May series on mothering social change, what could be more fitting than to re-examine how we think about motherhood and mental health? Momma B & Rebecca talk to esteemed psychologist, Dr. Harriet Lerner, one of our nation's most loved and respected experts on women and family relationships, and the author of twelve books include The New York Times bestseller, The Dance of Anger, The Mother Dance, and, most recently, Why Won't You Apologize? Harriet also shares the true feminist origins of Mother’s Day. 

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Harriet referenced so much goodness:

Our favorite books by Harriet:

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:

StoryWorth: The easiest way to share your story. For $20 off, visit storyworth.com/pickleball when you subscribe!

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. Harriet’s interview was recorded by Jason Slote at Kansas Public Radio. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by my band, Love Jerks. Send us your feedback and win a box of Advice from Mom sneeze-solvers (many tiny packets of tissues)

Ep 24: Meet The MAYtriarchy—mothering social change

MAY-art-v6-spring-colors.jpgMeet The MAYtriarchy

Each week, all month long, we’ll be featuring revolutionary motherly figures of all sorts. Here's a sneak peek of our May episodes with accomplished matriarchs who embody the term “mother” as a *verb* and help us understand what it takes to mother a movement. Can’t wait for you to hear more from each of these wise ones. Plus Momma B reacts to her very first published podcast review!

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:

Molekule: the only air purifier that actually destroys pollutants. For $75 off your first order, visit www.molekule.com and at checkout enter the promo code in the episode.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and sound design by Juliet Hinely. Helpful feedback by Samantha Land. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The music played under that review was by Bryan Garza’s band Scissors for Lefty.
 

 

Ep 22: Breaking Up With A Therapist—a baby steps special

episode-22-breaking-up-v1-crooked.jpg

How do you know it is time to leave your therapist? What should you do if your therapist acts inappropriately? And what if your therapist is making it difficult for you to end therapy with them? Back by popular demand, this is the third installment of our baby-steps special series on the how-tos of therapy. Whether you want to slink, saunter, or stomp out of therapy, Dr. Momma B is here to help. We will also hear a first hand account of therapist trouble (in three acts!) from Jennifer Judkins from the podcast, The Ripple.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsor:
YogaGLO: Get your first two weeks of YogaGlo FREE when you sign up on www.yogaGLO.com/pickleball.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

Ep 21: Boss & Daughter with Ruth Pointer of The Pointer Sisters

On the left: The Pointer Sisters in 1974. "The Pointer Sisters arriveren op Schiphol in 1974" and on the right: Ruth still so excited today!

On the left: The Pointer Sisters in 1974. "The Pointer Sisters arriveren op Schiphol in 1974" and on the right: Ruth still so excited today!

What do you do when your family business is running you into the ground? How do you balance your relationships as family members and business partners? And when is it time to take a break? There are many big life questions in this letter from a listener who signs her name “Boss & Daughter”. Dr. Momma B provides lots of good resources for this precarious balancing act, and we hear advice and stories from another wise woman with a family business: singer Ruth Pointer of The Pointer Sisters. I’m sooooo excited (for you to hear these stories!)

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom by supporting our sponsor:
HelloFresh: For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, visit hellofresh.com and enter discount code Pickleball30

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely and Samantha Land. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Ruth’s interview recorded by Isis Madrid. The song under our question is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

Ep 20: In Memory of My Man with Rebecca Soffer of Modern Loss

episode-20-in memory.jpg

How do you honor the memory of a loved one while letting go of the grief? What if that loved one was your soulmate? On this episode, we read a letter from a listener who signs his name “In Memory of My Man”. Dr. Momma B explains a therapy technique designed for individuals who have experienced trauma and we hear from the cofounder and CEO of Modern Loss, Rebecca Soffer, about her own story of loss and healing.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom by supporting our sponsor:
YogaGLO: Get your first two weeks of YogaGlo FREE when you sign up on www.yogaGLO.com/pickleball

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely and Samantha Land. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Anna Beyder. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The song under our question is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

Episode 19: "It Bears Repeating" with Michaela Watkins

episode-19-michaela-v1.jpg

What do you need after pouring your heart and soul into a project for months and months only to get a rejection? You need a pep talk! On this episode, we turbo-time-machine back to a listener letter from “Recently Rejected.” Dr. Momma B gives her advice a refresh, and we revisit a full-hearted pep talk from the star of Hulu’s Casual and a former cast member of Saturday Night Live, Michaela Watkins.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom by supporting our sponsor:

Rx Bars: For 25% off your first order, visit RXBAR.com/pickleball and enter the promo code: pickleball at checkout.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

Episode 18: Surviving Your First Therapy Session—a baby steps special

episode-18-first-session.jpg

For part 2 of our baby-step special on finding your therapist, Momma B PhD, holds your hand all the way to the therapist’s office as we cover what’s gonna happen at your first session. What should you expect to share? Should you always feel better after your first session? How many sessions does it take to know if your new therapist is a good match for you? All these questions answered, as well as some personal therapy adventures from Momma B’s past as a “young, naive thing in Philadelphia”.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and Sound Design by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. Watch their new music video.

Episode 17: Finding Your Therapist IRL—a baby steps special

episode-17-finding-v3.jpg

How do you start your search for your *very own* therapist? What should you be looking for online and on your health insurance card? What if you don’t have insurance? Is it kosher to ask your potential therapist questions about themselves? In thsi first part of a baby steps special, we go deep inside the mental health system to help YOU navigate finding a therapist of your very own, IRL. Momma B PhD puts on her detective cap to sleuth out mental health solutions as she investigates three cases of people, trying to find their therapist.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom and the art of jingle-making by supporting our sponsors:

LOLA: For 40% off your first order from Lola, visit www.mylola.com and enter PICKLEBALL when you subscribe!
YogaGLO: Get your first two weeks of YogaGlo FREE when you sign up on www.yogaGLO.com/pickleball.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and Sound Design by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

Episode 16: Caught Between Coasts with Call Your Girlfriend

episode-16-CYG.jpg

How do you build a substantial life for yourself in a new place? How do you nourish old friendships from afar? How do you keep from doubting a big decision you’ve made? On this episode, we explore all this and more with a listener letter from “Coast Between Coasts,” Dr. Momma B, PhD, and guest gal pals Aminatou & Ann from Call Your Girlfriend—a “podcast for long distance besties everywhere!”: www.callyourgirlfriend.com

Happy Galentine’s Day, everyone!

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Support Advice from Mom by supporting our sponsor:
For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, visit hellofresh.com and enter discount code Pickleball30

Special thanks to Gina Delvac for coordinating the recording with Call Your Girlfriend, and to Aviva Rubin for reading our credits.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty. Our theme music is by Love Jerks: www.lovejerks.com

Episode 15: Successfully Single with Moira Weigel

episode-15-moira.jpg

Whether you’re single, coupled-up, or not even interested in cuddle buddy at the moment, this episode’s question about dating is really about so much more. It’s time to explore the mind-opening world of personality temperaments with letter from a listener who signs her name as “Successfully Single” and a chorus of bored children from your Teddy Ruxpin dreams.

Our guest for this episode is the brilliant Moira Weigel, author of Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating. She’s a writer, translator, and scholar currently at the Harvard Society of Fellows. In 2017, she received her PhD from Yale University. Her writing has appeared in many publications, including The New York Times, The Guardian, and The New Republic. Find her online.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Prettily designed temperament test

OG Temperament sorter

Read Read Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating

Whoooorray for temperaments! more about the temperaments

Here's the question:

Dear Momma B,

I'm interested to get your input on my evolving mindset about my dating life. I'm a powerful lady—a CEO coach, and formerly an executive myself. I've been divorced for 7 years now, and when I first got serious about dating again, I set out to find a partner to 'meet' me on my level. I had no problems meeting great guys, but never met someone who I felt was my professional, spiritual, and emotional equal.

Recently, partially because of the men I’ve been meeting recently, I feel like my search and my mindset about dating have evolved. Now, I'm looking for someone who has a similar attitude about life, someone who is on my wavelength (I'm an ENFP). I used to think being successful would be make it harder to meet my match, but that doesn't seem like an issue anymore. Now I feel like if I can find someone who’s on my wavelength, the other stuff will all work itself. I'm interested to hear what you think of this new mindset. What's the ideal mindset to be in to meet my person?

Signed, Successfully Single

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty. Our theme music is by Love Jerks.

Episode 14: Heart Left Hanging with Esther Perel

episode-14-esther-v2.jpg

What do you when your partner finds your vulnerability unattractive? On this episode, we answer a letter from a listener who signs her name as “Heart Left Hanging.” 

Our guest for this episode is none other than renowned couples therapist and TED speaker, Esther Perel. She is the bestselling author of Mating in Captivity and the host of top Audible original series Where Should We Begin? Her newest book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, published in October 2017. Learn more on EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOffical on Instagram.

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Listen to Esther’s podcast

Read The State of Affairs book

Dinah Shore sings Mom’s favorite song about love being sad

A book by Brené Brown about being vulnerable

Esther’s song-inspiring TED talk

An Esther-inspired song

Here's the question:

What do you when your partner finds your vulnerability unattractive?

I've been married for four years to a really thoughtful and sincere guy. We just had our second child. We’ve weathered many big life challenges together— first an unplanned pregnancy and then university with an infant. Our first daughter had to have stomach surgery, and our new baby recently sustained a skull fracture. We both have had bouts of depression.

Luckily we are going well now and we are all back to good health, but my husband and I have felt disconnected from one another. I've been trying to talk more about my vulnerabilities. I love Brené Brown's work on this topic. It’s literally been life-changing for me.

When my husband admits his fears to me, I feel so connected to him and my love for him really deepens. But, after much cajoling on my part, he admitted that the main thing that attracted him to me when we were dating was my confidence and self-assuredness. Now that I’ve been expressing more of my insecurities, he finds me LESS attractive and feels like I'm not the woman he married.

What do I do with this? We are both committed to this relationship and I want to be everything he needs, but I also have needs! How can I be confident for him, but also vulnerable and genuine about my insecurities and fears?

Sincerely,

Heart Left Hanging

Support Advice from Mom by supporting our sponsor: For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, visit hellofresh.com and enter discount code Pickleball30

Thanks to the Jewish Community Center of San Francisco, Stephanie Singer and Jourdan Abel, as well as Tanya Schevitz of Reboot for helping us find a space to record Esther.  Additional audio engineering by Catherine Girardeau.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. To see Rebecca play live, check out Love Jerks' upcoming Bay Area show dates.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

New Year’s Bonus: Beyond the Resolution!

The smiling lady of the New Year featured in this photo is Olga San Juan (1927 – 2009). She is best known for her singing and dancing in films in the 1940s. Her nickname was the "Puerto Rican Pepperpot".

The smiling lady of the New Year featured in this photo is Olga San Juan (1927 – 2009). She is best known for her singing and dancing in films in the 1940s. Her nickname was the "Puerto Rican Pepperpot".

Your potential for 2018 doesn’t have to be squeezed into just one phrase or resolution. Here at Advice from Mom HQ, we believe self-improvement and self-reflection can come in a LOT of different forms. For this last bonus episode before we kick off Season 2, Momma B and Rebecca talk about how to head into 2018 and go BEYOND THE RESOLUTION. Happy New Year!

PS:  We’ll be releasing the first episode of Season 2 in just a few weeks (yay!!). If you have 30 seconds to spare and would like to help us out tremendously,  please go to  iTunes or wherever you’ve found this podcast and subscribe, rate, and review Advice from Mom. It will help us get more exposure when we start releasing new episodes. You can also give us feedback and submit questions for Momma B.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and Sound Design by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. To see Rebecca play live, check out Love Jerks' upcoming California show dates.

* This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

Bonus: Home for the Holidays with Doctor/Detective Momma B

Yep, that's our family at a holiday long ago. Your favorite Doctor/Detective podmom is there in the bottom right and your host Rebecca is all giggles in the middle.

Yep, that's our family at a holiday long ago. Your favorite Doctor/Detective podmom is there in the bottom right and your host Rebecca is all giggles in the middle.

Holiday Bonus Episode! There are so many ways that family gatherings can stress us out—whether it’s what your family expects of you, what you expect of them, what might be said (or unsaid, or yelled…) at the dinner table, or even just seeing certain family members. Momma B is here with her motherly mental health advice to help you improve your holiday cheer. And get ready for our goofiest episode yet as Momma B & Rebecca put on their detective caps to investigate some cases of holiday hazards. We call it MomNet! On this episode we’ll investigate three cases: The Case of the Solo Sautéer, The Case of the Caloric Questioner, and the Case of the Bickering Bros.

PS: Curious what’s on our Chanukkah List? An iTunes review from YOU! Your glowing reviews really do help our little podcast get more listens and we appreciate it SO much. You can also give us feedback and submit questions for Momma B  at Your Turn.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and Sound Design by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. To see Rebecca play live, check out Love Jerks upcoming California show dates.

A little more on our three cases for this episode:

And as they say on DragNet, “the names are made up but the problems are real”

The Case of the Solo Sauter

Jessica is a professional cook. Every year, her lovely family assumes she will cook them up the most delicious holiday feast. This has gotten old for Jessica after 6 years of cooking and even worse! getting minimal help with the dishes and clean-up after. How can Jessica change this tradition she’s come to hate without making her family hangry?


The Case of the Caloric Questioner

Fiona is just about to sit down for her fam’s Southern feast. As she reaches for the gravy ladle, her mother leans in and intercepts her hand, “Honey, once on the lips, always on the hips. How’s that diet going?" How does Fiona avoid exploding on her mother like she has in years past?

The Case of the Bickering Bros

Sammy and his brother can't be in the same room without turning any discussion into a political debate. As kids, the brothers got along just fine, but since Sammy moved across the country and only sees his family once or twice a year, their relationship has really suffered. The arguing upsets their mother, especially when their father starts yelling too. How can Sammy make this visit home to the family this holiday season a little harmonious?

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

Bonus: #MomToo

Yep, that's Momma B as a young one. Headed off to work in Philadelphia.

Yep, that's Momma B as a young one. Headed off to work in Philadelphia.

This is a special off-season bonus episode of Advice from Mom! With these recent headlines about Harvey Weinstein, sexual harassment in the workplace, and over a million people sharing their stories with #MeToo, Momma B has a few stories of her own.

Also, here’s your gateway to all the quick ways you can help us make Season 2 great: Your Turn! Give us your feedback, send in your questions, and find all the other fun (and free!) ways you can help. We appreciate it so much!

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixed and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. To see Rebecca play live, check out Love Jerks' upcoming Bay Area show dates.

Episode 10: Family Dynamics—season 1 finale

The family featured in this photo are members of The Flying Wallendas. Think your family does some crazy things? The Wallenda family has been in the circus for over two hundred years and 8 generations. Talk about a family affair! Photo credit: Stein…

The family featured in this photo are members of The Flying Wallendas. Think your family does some crazy things? The Wallenda family has been in the circus for over two hundred years and 8 generations. Talk about a family affair!


Photo credit: Steinmetz, Joseph Janney, 1905-1985. View showing members of the Flying Wallendas daredevil circus act during a practice session in Sarasota, Florida. 1942. Black & white photonegative, 4 x 5 in. State Archives of Florida, Florida Memory.

On this episode, we answer questions about the challenges of family dynamics. You’ll hear questions from Wounded Not Broken, Solamente Uno?, and New Auntie, and advice from Momma B, the director of America’s first crisis hotline, a photographer chef, and a woman in the wilds of Wisconsin. This episode also marks the finale of Season 1! Thank you so much for listening and we’d LOVE your help in making Season 2 even better -- it will take just a few moments and won’t cost you a dime. Please check out these quick things you can do to help Momma B on her mission to mother a mentally healthier world. And you could hear your name in the credits!

MEET THE WISE GUESTS OF THIS EPISODE:

  • Eve R. Meyer, MSW, MHSA has been Executive Director of San Francisco Suicide Prevention for over 20 years and is a frequent spokesperson on suicide issues. She holds a Master’s Degree in Social Work from the University of Chicago, and a Masters Degree in Health Services Administration from the University of Michigan.
    You can reach the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

  • Phyllis Grant is a Chef, photographer, and writer, and also a mother of two. You can read more stories (and recipes!) from Phyllis on her award-winning blog, Dash & Bella and on Food52.

  • Aunt Mary Ellen is a retired operating room nurse and the all-around best aunt! She is also the proud grandmother of eight! Isn’t she the best?

MOMMA B’S GOODIE BAG OF HELPFUL LINKS

Question 1: A Difficult Family History

Dear Momma B, Greeting from Chicago I’m 26 years old and have struggled with depression for a long time. As a logical, educated adult with advanced degrees, I know the signs. Only in the past few years, I have started to confide in friends about my depression and seek on-campus help. I am doing a lot better now. I feel more balanced in my everyday life, but a lot about this past year—my new job, an apartment after grad school, the election and its disheartening aftermath, life in general—threw me through a loop. Now that I am "in the real world" and I don't have the safety net of "confidential and free mental health services" that are provided for students on campuses, I'm scared to seek out help... especially in the current state of society and health care. If I seek help, will that endanger my ability to have health care in the future?

As a fun added note: I grew up with the implicit idea that talking about mental health was bad... my dad hid his bipolar disorder from our family and completed suicide when I was 9. Do you have any advice for someone who knows that help is out there, but doesn't know the best way to get to it?

Signed, Wounded not Broken

Question 2: A Family Plan

Dear Momma B, I am 32 and have a beautiful 2-year-old daughter. My husband and I are the happiest we have ever been in our lives and we love being parents—much more than we thought we would! I love my daughter and all the adventures and challenges that she brings into my life. My husband and I are considering having another child, but I am scared to have another child and throw off the beautiful balance we have created in our home. Currently, we have time to live our lives as individuals, as a couple, and as a family. I am nervous that having another child would leave me consumed by my responsibilities as a mom. At the same time, I am afraid I will wake up at 42 and wish I had more children.

It also might be helpful to know that my husband has 2 brothers and I am an only child. I was raised by a single father and have not had a relationship with my mother since my early 20s. However I always had a community filled with strong and inspiring women who nurtured me throughout my life.

I was nervous to become a mother and went to a year of therapy before getting pregnant to address the concerns I had about repeating my mother’s mistakes. Becoming a mother was the best decision I ever made, but how do I know if I am done having kids?

Sincerely, Solamente Uno?

Question 3: Combining families

My sister in law comes from a challenging family situation. As she's grown, she has distanced herself from her family and no longer speaks with two of her sisters. In contrast, my brother and I (and our entire family) are very close. It feels as if my sister in law doesn't want to engage in our family activities. Do you have any suggestions on how to get her to participate in our family events and communications? This is even more important to us now that they just recently had a baby :)

Signed, New Auntie

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixing and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty.

Our theme music is by Love Jerks. To see Rebecca play live, check out Love Jerks upcoming Bay Area show dates.

Episode 9: The Long Haul

This photo of a teenage girl waiting for a train was taken in Chicago, Illinois 1960 by an unknown photographer.

This photo of a teenage girl waiting for a train was taken in Chicago, Illinois 1960 by an unknown photographer.

All summer, we’ve been exploring what it means to make progress—professionally, personally, and creatively. But how do we make that progress last? Momma B is here to help with advice for the long haul of a creative project, the strategic planning of a fruitful career, and the balancing act between your work and personal life. This episode also includes solid advice from a rock-&-rolling engineer, an actress you’ll recognize from TV, and the founder of a start-up.

We are on the quest for questions about families. If you could use some advice for your family, send in your question pronto.

MEET THE WISE GUESTS OF THIS EPISODE:

Michaela Watkins is an actress, comedian and writer. She’s most excited for you to see her on the third season of Casual on Hulu. She has also appeared on TV in The New Adventures of Old Christine, Enlightened and Transparent as well as in the films, The Back-up Plan, Wanderlust,  and Enough Said. She was also a cast member on Saturday Night Live.

Bryan Garza is an entertainer, engineer, and wonderful husband. He has been the singer of the indie-rock band, Scissors for Lefty, since 1999. In that time, his band was signed to Rough Trade Records (UK) and played over 500 shows, touring with The Arctic Monkeys, Erasure, Smashing Pumpkins, and Metric to name a few. He also worked as a quality engineer in biomedical industry before joining UCSF as an analyst and technology project coordinator. He now makes music with his wife as Love Jerks.

Jerome Bortman spent his 35+ career working for The Navy, NASA, and The Department of Justice. He is a prostate cancer survivor, dedicated to raising prostate cancer awareness with the Obediah Cole Foundation and saving Floridian fowl with Save Our Seabirds.

MOMMA B’S LINK GOODIE BAG

QUESTION 1: Creative Failure

Six months ago I finished my first novel. Yay me! I was (and am) proud of that accomplishment and after years of writing on weekends and during my time-off, I was more than ready to start the process of looking for an agent to represent my book to publishers.

I knew that this part of the process was a little bit like matchmaking in terms of finding and soliciting an agent who was as excited to represent my book as I was to write it, but as the rejections roll in one after the next, I find myself struggling to maintain the confidence and conviction I had for my work when I was writing it. I have to fight hard against the perfectionist in me who immediately feels a sense of shame and failure when I get another rejection email from an agent, and even though I still believe there's an agent (and readers!) out there for this book, I've found myself a bit paralyzed in terms of my creative process.

After weeks of feeling rather depressed about my prospects, I had the realization that this was the most rejection I've ever had to face in my entire life. On one hand, recognizing the inherent privilege of my situation put this whole thing in perspective for me, but on the other, I still feel stuck.

So my question is two-pronged: how to handle rejection as a creative person who's also a perfectionist, and how do I grapple with that sense of something being "incomplete"?

Signed, Recently Rejected

Question 2: Implementing a Chosen Path

I have a very … varied personality. And I know I like a lot of variety in my life. Every time I take a personality test I’m always categorized as “the entertainer.” I’m a go-getter and have a lot of aspirations. I also get bored easily.

A few years ago, when I was still in school, I laid out a great number of goals to reach what I had determined was my final career destination in public health and nutrition. And over the last few years I’ve kept myself really busy and super focused on accomplishing each of those things -- undergrad, internship, grad school, work experience, and any extra certifications I could do to bulk my resume or put a letter behind my name.

Here I am a few years later and I’ve completed every goal on that list, even landing what I had deemed as my dream job as a community nutritionist. Aaaaaand I found that job to be too monotonous and I left after a year. Now I work at a hospital. So far, I love it—it’s more exciting and challenging. But when I think of this job as something I’ll do for the rest of my life, that feels so daunting to me. My question is: how do I stay motivated to stay in my career for the long haul? People say they worked the same job for 15-20 years and I just can’t see that for myself, even though I love this work. It is hard for me to picture the long haul when I have a nagging feeling that this won’t keep me satisfied forever.

Sincerely, An Entertainer Not So Easily Entertained

QUESTION 3: Balancing big life & a big career

I am really busy with work this summer. I’m the CEO of a start-up. We’ve been building the company for the past five years, but now is really make-it or break-it time. Before the end of the year, I need to raise the next several million dollars in investment to keep my company afloat. So the stakes are quite high. Also this summer, I’m getting married. My partner and I are planning a pretty elaborate destination wedding, so he and I haven’t “hit the easy button” on that either. I know you like to say the only requirement for a wedding is that it be transcendent. How do I make sure that I’m present and in the moment for both my wedding and my business? Beyond the wedding, I know this is going to be a lifelong balance I need to strike.

Sincerely, Bride with a Business


Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixing and mastered by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty. Our theme music is by Love Jerks. To hear this song with vocals and to see Rebecca on bass, check out their latest live video.

Episode 8: Making Progress

This photo was taken in New York in 1917. That lady making some progress on knitting is "Frances White." Half of the vaudeville team Rock & White.

This photo was taken in New York in 1917. That lady making some progress on knitting is "Frances White." Half of the vaudeville team Rock & White.

Figuring out your personal process of progress can be tricky! Momma B is here to help with advice for taking feedback on your work, balancing your creative pursuits with your daily responsibilities, and playing well with others. This episode also includes solid advice from all-star guests like some Nashville songbirds, Whit Hill & Kira Small, a novelist currently on the NYT best seller list, Janelle Brown, and the one of NPR’s favorite duo, The Kitchen Sisters!

We want to hear how your summer project is coming along! Call into our summer project hotline and leave us a little message about your progress. Call 1-706-9-ASK-MOM or send us a message.

Meet the wise guests of this episode:

The Kitchen Sisters (Davia Nelson & Nikki Silva) are the producers of the duPont-Columbia and James Beard Award-winning series, Hidden Kitchens on NPR’s Morning Edition and two Peabody Award-winning NPR series, Lost & Found Sound and The Sonic Memorial Project. Their latest season of stories, Hidden Kitchens: Kimchi Diplomacy: War and Peace and Food was given a 2017 James Beard Award and their podcast, The Kitchen Sisters Present… was awarded a Webby for Best Documentary Podcast, both on the same day. Their NPR series The Hidden World of Girls {Girls and the Women They Become} was hosted by Tina Fey. The Kitchen Sisters have appeared live-onstage in multimedia performances with Pop-Up Magazine, at TED, SXSW, the Third Coast International Audio Festival,  Radiotopia Live, The Smithsonian and more. 

The Kitchen Sisters' non-profit media collaboration is dedicated to creating documentaries that chronicle untold stories of culture and tradition, presenting voices from the edges and the margins, to keeping the airwaves vibrant, imaginative and democratic, and to training young people and others with a passion to be involved in public media. Their book, Hidden Kitchens was a New York Times Notable Book of the Year. They are part of the Radiotopia podcast collective from PRX. Currently they are in collaboration with Prospect.4, the New Orleans Triennial and creating a new NPR Morning Edition series, The Keepers – stories of activist archivists, rogue librarians, curators, collectors and historians. They are also working on their second book Show the Girls the Snakes and their first Broadway musical.

Janelle Brown is the New York Times bestselling author of the novels All We Ever Wanted Was Everything, This Is Where We Live, and the recently released Watch Me Disappear. Her journalism and essays have appeared in The New York Times, Vogue, Elle, Wired, Self, The Los Angeles Times, and numerous other publications. Bay Area listeners can catch Janelle at Keplers Books in Menlo Park on Monday, August 7, 2017 at 7:30pm. Learn more about Janelle and her upcoming readings on her site.

Kira Small is a nationally touring singer-songwriter, recording artist, 2015 International Songwriting Competition Finalist, 2012 Independent Music Awards winner and former member of Berklee College of Music’s Voice Faculty. As an in-demand Nashville session vocalist, she has toured/recorded with Martina McBride, Willie Nelson, Garth Brooks, Ray Price, Peter Frampton, Wynonna Judd, even Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter). She also makes lemons out of lemonade. Kira’s June 2016 release 3 AM is one of those albums where an artist, in making sense of a time of personal upheaval, almost accidentally crafts a career masterpiece.  Hear her music, see her upcoming shows or book a house concert on her site.

Whit Hill is a Nashville-based singer/songwriter. In 2012, she was a winner of the Kerrville Folk Festival's New Folk competition—one of folk music's greatest honors. Raised in New York City, where she was a child actor, Whit worked as a dancer and choreographer in Michigan for many years before focusing on music and moving to Nashville in 2008. Her two albums, “We Are Here” (2003) and “Farsighted” (2006) have received wide critical acclaim. Her most recent album, I Dug it Up (2015), is a collection of songs about the hobby of metal detecting. Hear it all on her site. 

From the top of the show:

Hadley Davis Rierson is a Los Angeles-based writer, mother, wife and arts advocate. A published author by the age of 26, Hadley went on to write for television (“Dawson’s Creek,” “Spin City,” “Scrubs”) and film (Disney’s “Ice Princess”). She now contributes to the New York Times and The Los Angeles Review of Books.

From the finale of the show:

Majo Molfino is a writer, speaker, and women’s creative leadership coach. With a Masters in Design from Stanford, she supports women in becoming better, more resilient creative leaders at top companies such as Facebook, Twitter, Airbnb, and IDEO. Her work has been highlighted in FastCoDesign, The Huffington Post, Medium and LinkedIn. She is also the host of Heroine (http://bit.ly/herpod) – a podcast featuring the journeys of top creative women leaders and risk-takers. When she isn’t writing, coaching, or podcasting, she’s sipping on tea and writing poems in the Redwoods. Learn more on her site. 

Nathalie Arbel is a San Francisco-based writer and editor. Her work on design leadership, marketing, and entrepreneurship has been published in FastCoDesign, TechCrunch, and more. She's currently working on a book called Data-Driven Marketing (www.clearbit.com/books/data-driven-marketing). Nathalie started as a product marketer at Google and YouTube, and is originally from Silicon Valley with roots in Switzerland and Israel. Also, she loves pottery. Learn more on her site. 

Momma B’s link goodie bag

Question 1: Accepting Creative Feedback 

I'm an independent filmmaker and writer. In the last few years, I feel very fortunate that I’ve been seeing some success!

I'm focused on developing my voice as a storyteller. I know the way to improve is by showing my work-in-progress to others and to ask what's working and what's not.  I always try to be open to feedback. Some feedback is helpful, while others not so much. I'm also wary that as a woman, I get more negative feedback than my male counterparts.  In the past, overly critical feedback has killed a project before it had time to grow.  Do you have advice for how to take feedback - whom to trust and how to protect your work at its most vulnerable stage, while also being open to input that could help your creative work improve greatly?   -Signed, Finding my Way in Feedback

Question 2: Creativity & Parenting

I’ve a professional writer & editor. I started in book publishing and and now I work in a museum. Occasionally, I’d do some writing gigs on the side. I used to play in bands and paint, but it’s been a long time since I experienced that "creative flow". Now I mostly make up lyrics to silly songs for my 2-year old kid and still try to write a little on the side, but not really, because who am I kidding?

My big question to fellow parents who are creative professionals is "How do you do it?" How do you make time and energy for anything other than feeding, entertaining, loving, reading books, keeping this little human from hurting himself? Plus getting at least 5 hours of sleep a night, maintaining a relationship with your partner, and going to a job 40 hours a week? How?? What are the parameters or loopholes that make this all possible because my partner and I haven't seemed to find any.

Signed, Wondering How to Have it All

Question 3: Creative Collaboration 

For many years, I worked with a writing partner on a number of projects, including a feature screenplay and two tv pilots. Our work styles really differed. I liked solving issues in the work via the Socratic method of cooperative argumentative dialogue. On the other hand, my writing partner, who is also a guy and also my same age, felt that all I was doing was arguing and being combative. It became clear that some of this was a remnant from our respective childhood experiences -- my family likes to argue and his does not. He eventually declared he couldn't work with me anymore and it ended not just our working partnership, but also our friendship. Recently, I've reached out again to rekindle the friendship, but I still harbor resentment that he so willing to walk away from our 20-year friendship because of this rocky work relationship. Any advice on how to reach closure so we can move on together as friends?

Signed, Fight Vs. Flight

Episode 7: Starting Something Big

This photo was taken in January 11, 1945 by an unknown photographer. It’s a portrait of Second Lieutenant Arthur Wong Jr. a Chinese-American aviator from Oakland, California. Roughly 25% of all Chinese-American soldiers during World War II served wi…

This photo was taken in January 11, 1945 by an unknown photographer. It’s a portrait of Second Lieutenant Arthur Wong Jr. a Chinese-American aviator from Oakland, California. Roughly 25% of all Chinese-American soldiers during World War II served with the Army Air Forces. Collection of Oakland Museum of California.

Hitting some stumbling blocks when it comes to starting something BIG? Momma B is here to help. This episode includes some solid advice from all-star guests like world-touring DJ Atish Mehta, New York Times illustrator Wendy MacNaughton, Zak and Shira from the Pregnant Pause podcast and Doree Shafrir, author of the novel Startup. Momma B even says a bad word!

Meet the wise guests of this episode:

Momma B’s link goodie bag

Question 1: Prioritizing your creative pursuits

This year I graduated from art school and I’m proud to say I’m fully-employed as a junior product designer. Sometimes, I miss doing art projects, but now I don’t know what I want to draw, paint or sculpt. In college, we always had fun projects to work on, but now I'm at a loss. But on the other hand, I'm also at a loss for time...Is it possible to get back into art with a full-time job or will I have to wait until I’m old and have earned it, then pick up a paintbrush and become the next Wayne Thiebaud? ;-)
Signed, Pass the Pastels

Question 2: Turning passion into a career

A few years ago, I started tinkering audio and making radio stories. It quickly became my passion. My day job is totally unrelated to audio, I’ve kept the fire burning by taking audio classes and building a community of fellow podcasters and radio journalists. I even made a rule for myself that I’m not allowed to go to bed until I’ve worked on one of my audio projects at least a little bit!

Almost every time I work on my projects, I feel like I’m eating candy while opening Christmas presents. I love the freedom to make exactly what I want, to be playful and creative, and to work at a comfortable pace.

Long story short: some changes at my day job accelerated my decision to devote a period of time to trying to take this passion in a professional direction. Last week I gave notice, and I’m starting to interview for audio-related gigs.

I have never done anything related to audio for money before. I have also never made anything that wasn’t exactly what I wanted to make. How do I bring my strong clarity around what I love into the reality of market forces, capitalism, and my limited experience? What’s the best mindset that I can have as I step over the line from hobbyist to professional?
Signed, A Girl Who Just Wants to Have Fun...and Make Money

Question 3: Making a Big Life Decision

I have a question about families. Or rather non-families. I’ve been in a very positive relationship for the last 5 years. The only thing we differ on is the question of having children. My partner would currently rather not have kids. I personally waffle back and forth on the issue—each option tortures me. I feel like it is the biggest decision of my life and sometimes it is all consuming. I’m afraid of losing out and regretting it later in life, but on the other hand, I don’t want to leave this positive relationship behind. Especially if I’m not at all sure about having children myself. I sometimes wish I would medically be unable to have children just because it would take away the pressure. Then I could let go without having to actively make this time-sensitive decision. It has gone so far that I am having difficulties being supportive of my friends who are planning to have a family. I am afraid that seeing their lives will trigger me and send me into a thinking spiral again. Part of the problem for me is that in our culture, women are expected to want to have children and I am lacking positive role models for a motherless life.

My partner and I have a big open talk each year where we decide if we want to have children. This helps me to let go a little in between, otherwise I would ask myself even more. My partner says he’s leaning towards “no” but that his opinion might change, but it’s not very likely. We both embrace this yearly opportunity, but I want a strategy to let go a bit more. How can I embrace the chaos and unpredictability of life without the constant fear of making a "wrong" decision?
Signed, Parental Guidance

Show Credits

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing by Juliet Hinely. Mixing and mastering by Jake Young. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. The theme music is by Love, Jerks. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty.

Episode 6: Wise Moms of Pittsburgh

For this special Mother’s Day episode, we are going into mom-overload with listener questions about how to talk to your parent about their mental health, how to help little ones adjust to a culturally-different environment, and how to convince your partner that you two should adopt. Each question will be slathered in 3 doses of advice and we’ll be playing plenty of mother daughter pickleball, but this time, I’m not in San Francisco, many states apart from my mom. For this episode, I’m within hugging distance. And you know who else is? Some of my mom’s wise friends, who are also moms (and don’t worry, also skilled professionals). That’s right: we are IN the mothership. 

This episode’s second opinions include:

  • Beth Dean is a product designer at Facebook, who works at the intersection of ethics and advertising. She is also an illustrator who creates weirdo comics, psychedelic posters and spooky toys.

  • Dianna L. Ploof, EdD is an assistant professor in the Department of Pediatrics at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine and Co-Director of the Office of Faculty Development. Trained in organizational development and behavioral science, she also consults with organizations in areas such as leadership development, team building and conflict management. She would say her most important role has been as the mother of a now 26-year son. She also loves to do jigsaw puzzles with my mom!

  • Rev. Mary Lynn Gras is a Christian minister and mother and grandmother, who loves to knit.

  • Dr. Lani M.Ventura-Mustin is a chiropractor and mother of 3, who loves to kickbox.

Momma B’s link goodie bag:

Question 1: how to talk to your parent about their mental health

I've been lucky enough to benefit from all that personal development, self-help, and mental health resources have to offer in this modern day and age. I've read books, been to therapy, and taken up yoga and meditation - all of which have really helped me through anxiety and depression that started to plague me as I entered my college years. I still struggle with those inner demons, but I feel so lucky that I've had access to this kind of help, and feel more able to cope than ever. I don't know where I'd be today if I never learned about the feedback loop from stimulus, thought, and emotion, or that how we react to the world is a choice.

I find that interacting with people who haven't had access to similar resources (or done the same level of personal work) can be hard. Especially when one of those people is my mom. I see my mom struggling so much from issues of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, and watch her endure painful rollercoasters of emotion. I really want to help her and be there for her. What she wants from me is an ear. What I really want is to teach her the strategies I've learned and frankly, tell her to finally go to therapy. It would help her so much, but due to a generational divide, stigma, denial, etc., I just can't crack that nut.

How do I approach this topic without offending or hurting her? How do I finally get my mom to read some of the books I have, go to therapy, or approach mental health in the same way? Or, do I accept her for who she is and listen, patiently? Thanks for your help in navigating a touchy subject.
Signed, Somewhat enlightened but still occasionally depressed.

Question 2: how to help little ones adjust to a culturally-different environment

I’m the mom of 2 spirited little ones, in search of motherly advice on introducing my two & four year-old kids into a pint-sized Jewish preschool.

As a family, we are social and outgoing. My husband and I are both mixed race and value multicultural diversity. We love to participate in our children's events and would like to continue to do so at this new school. Our fear is that in this new pre-school our kids won’t fit. We will be one of the only non-Jewish families enrolled. That fear was mostly quelled by visiting and experiencing the warm, nurturing, and engaging learning environment. We anticipate our kids will flourish. But our family has had limited exposure to the Jewish community and faith and we are a bit intimidated and anxious.

So far, it seems like our non-denominational faith is the elephant in the room...Our biggest fear is that our daughter and son will receive different treatment (From the kids or the adults?) because of our differences as a family...and as parents, we want to ensure we reduce this risk and create as a smooth transition. We are also super-duper excited to join this new community and learn new things as a family.

I’m desperately seeking your motherly pearls of wisdom to help navigate our family's interfaith preschool transition.
Signed, Newbie to the Jewish Scene

Question 3:  how to convince your partner that you two should adopt

I’m a guy, so I’m not a mom myself, but my wife and I have been married for a few years and together for nearly 10, so the question about kids has definitely come up. We both go back and forth on it for various reasons. Not feeling stable financially, not wanting to give up our freedom, not knowing what will happen to the planet earth (Ok, that is a big one, but it IS something we talk about). Anyway, I do really believe that when it comes down to it, we both actually would like to be parents but just aren’t ready yet. We’re in our early 30’s now but by the time we’re ready to have kids we could be in our late 30’s, maybe even 40? With that age in mind, health concerns arise. I brought up adoption as an option and learned my wife was not very into that idea. This surprised me since I generally think of her as a warm and generous and empathetic person. She said she liked it in theory but was worried that an adopted child wouldn’t really feel like OUR child. She also voiced worry about not knowing the background of the child and how that would play out as they grow up. So I guess we’re uncertain about having kids in general, but I think adoption is an important path to keep open in our case. Any ideas on how to take the conversation farther and maybe open her up to this idea?
Sincerely, Adoption Option

Show Credits

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and mixing by Juliet Hinely. Sound engineering by Helen Wigger at WESA Pittsburgh. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Moral support by Jerome Bortman & Aviva Rubin. The theme music is by Love, Jerks. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty.

Episode 5: Life Detours

THE COMPLETE SHOW NOTES

Momma B is here to help when your life takes an unexpected turn!

This episode’s second opinions include:

  • Eli Horowitz is the creator and director of the podcast, Homecoming from Gimlet Media. He is also the co-creator of The Silent History, a digital novel; The Clock Without a Face, a treasure-hunt mystery; and was the managing editor and then publisher of McSweeney’s—

  • Ronda L. Metcalf (back by popular demand), who works at UCSF, dispatching for Facilities Services.

  • Suzanne Rico, is a journalist, fertility advocate and world traveler. Previously, she spent two decades in broadcast journalism, including eight years as the morning news anchor for KCBS-TV, Los Angeles.

  • Jerome Bortman (yep, that's right!), spent his 35+ career working for The Navy, NASA, and The Department of Justice. He is a prostate cancer survivor, dedicated to raising cancer awareness with the Obediah Cole Foundation and saving Floridian fowl with Save Our Seabirds.

QUESTION 1: An expected life turn

Four years ago, I had just gotten married and my husband and I were thinking of moving to Sonoma. Now I am a single parent, living in Las Vegas. I’ve changed my career to interior design, gone back to school full-time. I’m also working full-time, parenting full-time, trying to build a business, trying to build new friendships here, and, oh, trying to date. Oy, I’m exhausted just writing it out.

I chose to move to Vegas when I was pregnant and separating from my now-ex, because this is where my parents retired. I never thought in a million years I would live in Vegas—hence a life detour! Weirdly, it's been a really lovely, calm, quiet place to heal, grow, reboot, to say the least.

It was definitely a big deal to change careers at age 40 - both professionally to start over and also financially as a single parent.

There is a pretty big learning curve at my job. Eight weeks into the job, I am still struggling to get the quick turnarounds my clients need. Rationally I know it's ok, but emotionally I feel like I am failing because I can't figure it out quite yet. How do I stop being so hard on myself?

It’s not like I’m trying to be perfect or feel always in control, but I somehow create these expectations that I have to meet. I’m the one always telling my friends to just do you, it's all good, give yourself a break, etc. Why am I unable to do this for myself?

Signed, Vegas Single Moms Club

 

QUESTION 2: many life changes

I am 26 year old American living in London, getting married in a few months to the best person ever, and have a career I really like and I am struggling with a debilitating fear of, well, everything.

I am constantly finding things to be afraid of. Mostly I sweep these fears under the rug and force myself to move on, but sometimes I have a fear confirmed that only makes the process worse. To be specific, I am mostly afraid of health issues and dying.

I recently became pregnant. My fiancé and I both want to have children soon, but we are in the middle of moving back to the United States from England. We won't have anywhere to live, let alone jobs, for a while until we find our footing in our new country. So we made the decision not to carry through with the pregnancy. One week before my procedure, I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks pregnant. When we went to the hospital to have a scan, they couldn't find the embryo, it was gone. But they did find a rather large cyst on my ovary. The nurses assured me this is normal and has no bearing on fertility, and did not cause my miscarriage, but it left me paralysed in fear that I had miscarried due to my health, my body, my fault.

I haven't been able to get past this. The idea that my body failed me has me worried about what will happen when we do want to have a baby. I'm starting to wonder if my constant worry and anxiety over my health is becoming a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I have gone to doctors and been tested for everything and there isn't anything wrong with me, I am a normal young adult. But every time I get a tinge of pain, anything, I immediately assume the worst. At this very moment I have a small bit of pain on my side and am trying very hard not to assume I have breast cancer. How should I cope with my fears?

Signed, Nervous in London

 

QUESTION 3: In need of a detour

How do you know when it's time to *move on*? Is it when you first ask yourself the question? Is there a time limit to how long you should stay somewhere? Like at a job?

I’m a thoughtful and quiet single guy. I’ve had the same job for 10 years and lived in the same place for 14 years. I’m in the midst of an emotional week: I felt humbled by coworkers, celebrating my work anniversary. I felt sad and regretful after coming across my grandparent’s obituary and not visiting them more often. And I’m fearful that I will soon be evicted when the building I live in is finally sold.

I’m trying to balance the anxiety of not making a change, while everyone around me moves on. It's a question of making a change for the sake of change, but I don't really know where to go.

Signed, Long Term Tenant

Momma B’s link goodie bag:

Learn more about temperament evaluations
Learn more about Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Show Credits

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It was produced by Juliet Hinely & Rebecca Garza-Bortman. Editing and mixing by Juliet Hinely.  Audio assistance by Bryan Garza. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. Workbook editing by Nathalie Arbel. The theme music is by Love, Jerks. The song throughout this episode is Rebel in Motion by Scissors for Lefty.

 

Episode 4: Breakups

THE COMPLETE SHOW NOTES

This episode comes with a downloadable breakup workbook. Get your copy here.

Lee's  Visualizations: Peak Break-Up Times on Facebook
Breakups Per Day  |  Dating Life Cycle  |   Methods of Breaking the News

This episode’s second opinions include:

Question 1: Early-stage break-up

Hi Momma B. Thanks for the amazing advice in the last few episodes. My breakup question is, how do you know whether to pursue a friendship with someone after a short romantic fling fizzles out?

I'm a 28 year old woman and the last time I had a proper, loving relationship was 9 years ago. I've been focusing on online dating in an effort to change that. I don't often get a genuine connection with someone, but when I do like a guy, I'm quick to get a bit too gaga over him. I think that might have happened with my friend in the question and I wonder whether it scared him off. I'm also putting effort into meeting new platonic friends right now, because I've been feeling lonely in my city.

I recently went out with a guy I met on a dating app. We had 3 amazing dates, but he hasn't contacted me since, so I think he's lost interest. Normally I would just move on, but I keep recalling the pure joy of spending time with him on our first couple dates. Within seconds of meeting each other, we were joking, laughing, and climbing trees. He brought out the silly in me, and we shared many artistic interests. I rarely experience that fun, high-energy connection with another person, even if it's just a friendship. And I've been hungry for that kind of friendship for a while. I don't know many people in my city that get me to loosen up and be myself.

Can I spin this romantic rejection into a platonic relationship? Even though I don't know this person well yet, I suspect he's a gem, and I'm intrigued by the possibility of a friendship that brings more jokes, art, and support into my life. But I'm not sure how to reach out and ask whether he'd be open to that. I'm also afraid I'm wrong about him being a good guy. Maybe he'll reject me platonically too, and I'll get double-crushed. Should I risk it?

Signed, Friendzoner

Question 2: Supportive Friend of a Divorcee

Five years ago I went to the wedding of one of my best friends. This year, she's getting a divorce.

When they were married, my friend and her husband were both undecided about having kids, but as the years progressed she decided she REALLY wanted to have kids, and he decided he definitely did not.

What started off as a mature separation between two adults who saw different futures for themselves, has turned into a messy divorce with dramatic visits, painful insults, even divorce papers that have been ripped up twice. The whole thing just seems incredibly unlike her.

My usual M.O. in friend breakups is to listen, ask questions, and support my friends no matter what their decision. But in this case I think it's clear she needs to get out of this ASAP, especially if she wants to have time to have kids.

So, I'm in uncharted territory—how do I encourage her to get through this, move on, make a clean break without overstepping and possibly harming our relationship in this whole mess?

Signed, Supportive in San Francisco

Question 3: Compounded breakups

Dear Momma B,

My question is about how to move on after a breakup. A year and a half ago I ended a four-year relationship. Although it was my decision, it was still very painful. It was a remarkably clean break in many ways. He moved out of our apartment quickly, we split our things up pretty amicably, and I have only communicated with him a few times since. Even so, when I think about the relationship or run into him at a party, it still brings up a lot of sadness and guilt. I get the feeling he is still upset with me. I've reached out to him in hopes that we can relate in a less-charged, more-friendly way, but he has not been receptive. In general I wish I could focus on the good things we shared, but instead I get caught up with how it ended.

I recently ended another year-long relationship, so now that I have these two pretty heavy emotional breakups in my recent past is making me wonder if there’s something I should be doing differently after a breakup. The prevailing approach seems to be to cut your ex out of your life completely—throw out everything that reminds you of them and pretty much erase them from your life. But I don’t want to do that! They were a big part of my life and I cherish many of the experiences I shared with them.

I am confident that I don’t want to be with either of these men, and overall I am learning a lot about myself and about what I want in a partner. So why do I feel bad when I think about them? Also, you should know that I took your advice from your dating episode and made a chart of all my past relationships, comparing them to the qualities of my ideal partner. It was a surprisingly moving exercise, so thank you! I feel like I’m working with a new paradigm now, ready for a more solid relationship than ever before. So although I’m optimistic about my future, I could use some help cleaning up my past.

Sincerely, Sentimental Spring Cleaner

Show Credits 

I even have exciting news for the credits for those of you who care about my sanity and wellbeing or just the quality of this show. I’ve found a creative partner to build this podcastle with!! Juliet Hinely is co-producing this episode with me. She has also edited and mixed it. 

The workbook that I hope you will pour your soul into soon was edited by Nathalie Arbel. Jane Riccobono does our publicity. Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. 

The opera you heard with Momma B’s story was indeed LA TRAVIATA as performed by the famous Madame Maria Callas. Our theme music is by Love, Jerks. That’s my band with my husband. Save the arts! 

Thanks to Papa B, Jocelyn, Aviva, Serena, Hadley, Ash, Ginny, Jane, Emily, Blair, Nina, Jasmeet,  and my man, Bryan. Ready for a sneak preview of the breakup workbook???

Episode 3: Workplace Woes

THE COMPLETE SHOW NOTES

This episode is crafted to help you with your workplace woes. This month we take on three classic workplace woes: toxic work environments, losing your job, and feeling like you can’t be yourself at work.

Every question you’ll hear on today’s show has been sent in by a fellow listener. We are always taking new questions, so if you want some advice from Momma B, please Request Advice. You can also leave a voicemail or text us your request: 706-9-ASK-MOM. Less fancifully, that number is (706) 927-5666. We are currently working on upcoming episodes about break-ups and creative pursuits. Send those questions in pronto!

Each question on this episode gets 3 doses of advice. First you’ll hear Momma B’s advice. Next: You’ll hear a segment called Mother-Daughter Pickleball, where your host, Rebecca presents some clarifying questions and builds on Momma B's advice. Last, you’ll hear a second opinion, because it’s always good to get a second opinion.

Question 1: Recovering from a Toxic Work Environment

I'm a female creative professional, working in tech industry for the past 8 years. A few years ago, I left a terrible work situation at a "hot" tech start-up. Employees were pitted against each other and rewarded for gutting their peers' projects, sexual harassment was shrugged off on the daily, and shipping projects depended on currying favor with the higher ups' boys club rather than work, data and merit. I've had the good fortune of having plenty of good experiences and projects since I left, but I find my first instinct with people is still to assume they are trying to trick me, or prove that I'm not competent. I'm trying to be less suspicious, but there's a part of me that hangs onto the idea that I was supposed to 'learn' something from all that bad joojoo. What can I do to accept and validate my own experience without condemning all of humanity to the garbage heap?

Signed, Workplace Warrior

The guests in this segment are Sadia Harper of Collective Health and Julie Mora-Blanco of Adobe.

Question 2: building back your confidence after losing your job

Through most of my life I've enjoyed career success: receiving positive evaluations, taking constructive criticism and working to make improvements where needed, all while earning the respect of my managers, employees, and peers.

Then, last year I was laid off and found myself unemployed for the first time in my career of over 20 years. It was rough, but I tried to embrace it as just the kick in the pants I needed to make a change and grow in my career. My job search took longer than expected and I encountered a few bumps along the way, but eventually I found a new job I loved and things were looking up.

But my good fortune didn't last and I was soon struggling to prove myself in my new role, which was admittedly a stretch that I was bit underprepared for. After several months of giving it my all yet still failing to turn things around in the eyes of my boss, we agreed that things weren't working out and parted ways.

I'm proud of how I handled that difficult situation and the effort I put into addressing it, but in the end I still failed. Now I'm unemployed for the second time in a year and my confidence is shot. How can I project the necessary confidence for a successful job search when my track record is tarnished and I'm filled with self-doubt?

Signed, Failing at Forty

The guest in this segment is Robert (Tre) Laughlin. He runs All Systems Health. and has a Masters Degree in Oriental Medicine, certified medical qigong practitioner, certified as a functional medicine practitioner, and is currently pursuing his doctorate in Longevity at Yo San University in L.A., a Chinese and Integrative Medicine University founded and informed by the Ni family, that holds a 39 generation lineage in Taoist healing. In addition to being a master acupuncturist and herbalist, he loves geeking out on specialized lab tests that can help see the big picture for ultimate health and wellbeing. Tre also loves biohacking, and considers Chinese Medicine to be the original biohacking platform.  He combines the most ancient medicines with the most cutting edge tech to create a personalized and optimized treatment plan.

Question 3: Bringing your personal to work

I'm comfortable with my colleagues and can be myself workin' 9 to 5. Well, my working hours are more like 10 to 7, but don't tell Dolly Parton. Like Dolly, I too feel comfortable bringing my whole-self to work. So that's not the heft of my question.

Rather, my question is this: When it comes to professional pursuits outside the office—writing blog posts, speaking at conferences, tweeting the tweets, and giving the occasional interview (#blessed emoji)—how do I balance the good sense to remain professional with the opportunity to be personable?

Are there techniques or exercises to determine the best amount of humor to bring into my public persona as I tip-toe this tightrope of career suicide?

I admire Ellen DeGeneres' ability to be humorous, respected, likable, and remain entertaining despite the status quo for comedians to make crass, offensive, or inflammatory jokes. Nevertheless, Ellen is squarely in the business of comedy and I—in addition to never having won a Presidential Medal of Freedom—work in a more conservative profession where, unfortunately, decorum and LinkedIn still matter.

In an age where the internet immortalizes every public display, how do we get more comfortable bringing our personalities into our careers? ... or with the foreboding doom that may be unavoidable with such a risk? Am I going to end up helpless and homeless if my creative expressions miss their mark!? (This is literally a question I've asked my therapist multiple times—he won't answer anymore, so now I'm asking you.)

Sincerely, Profesh versus Pizzazz

The guests in this segment are Kelli Dragovich is the SVP of People at Hired.  

Tim Federle is the author of Better Nate Than Ever — Tim’s debut novel about a small-town teenager who crashes an audition for E.T.: The Musical — was named a New York Times Notable Book of the Year and inspired a sequel that won the Lambda Literary Award.

Tim’s latest YA novel, The Great American Whatever, was called “a Holden Caulfield for a new generation” (Kirkus) and was named a Best Book of the Year by Kirkus and School Library Journal and a Notable Book of the Year by the New York Times.

Described as “a prolific scribe whose breezy wit isn’t bound to a single genre” (The Huffington Post), Federle also writes bestselling recipe books, including Tequila Mockingbird (over 200,000 copies sold) and Gone With the Gin.

 

Episode 2: Dating Advice from Mom

The complete SHOW NOTES

This episode is on dating! We provide advice for those who miss the puppy love of younger years, for those who feel misunderstood while dating, and for those who are looking to make a friendship into a romance and so much mawwwwr!!!

Every question you’ll hear on today’s show has been sent in by a fellow listener. We are always taking new questions, so if you want some advice from Momma B, please Request Advice. You can also leave a voicemail or text us your request: 706-9-ASK-MOM. Less fancifully, that number is (706) 927-5666. We are currently working on upcoming episodes about working woes and break-ups. Send those questions in pronto!

Each question on this episode gets 3 doses of advice. First you’ll hear Momma B’s advice. Next: You’ll hear a segment called Mother-Daughter Pickleball, where your host, Rebecca presents some clarifying questions and builds on Momma B's advice. Last, you’ll hear a second opinion, because it’s always good to get a second opinion.

Question 1: For those who miss the puppy love of younger years

I am a straight male knocking on 40’s door. It feels like I have been single forever. I was in love once, in my late 20s. After two & a half years I ended it - twice! - because we couldn’t seem to get past the fact that I didn’t communicate well or enough, whether it was talking about everyday things, or giving her space to communicate, or communicating my love for her. She’s married with a family, living far away. I still care for her like no other person in the world. But she needed more and somehow I wasn’t expressing the full depth of my love.

I might look good on paper, but I just can’t make anything stick. I have had a long string of 2-3 month lady friends that just end because I don’t feel the connection, conversation or commonalities are strong enough to go on. I am all but certain that the fault lies with me and my communication—similar issues to those with my ex, 10 years ago. While I often retreat to introversion, the truth is my quiet belies my desire to share, connect and grow with a partner. Perhaps if I were more open I could find more ways to connect.

The more this situation of singleness lingers, the more I feel like I should just detach the apps, try to stop pining for ladies, and focus on self actualization if that’s even possible. I suppose I still strive for the connection like the one I had in my 20s. Is that kind of puppy love unrealistic now that I am nearing 40? At the same time, there has to be some spark, does there not? How do you find a spark on a first date with a stranger from some stupid app?

Signed, Knock knock knocking on 40's door

The guest in this segment is Lisa Podell. Lisa Podell is a former matchmaker for The Dating Ring and founder of Better Sessions. She has over 10 years of experience as a teacher, educational specialist, certified life coach, and public speaker; specializing in helping individuals attain their personal and professional goals.

Lisa is also known for her position in Washington Square Park as Free Advice Girl, by which she seeks to uplift humanity one conversation at a time. She has spoken to over 5,000 people in service to this mission. With her passion for education, Lisa piloted The Advice Project. This was a series of educational workshops held in NYC public schools designed to empower adolescents to develop and express their own voice.

Question 2: Advice for those who feel misunderstood while dating

I'm hesitant to admit this, but I'm worried that men don't understand me. I’m a 31-year-old female and I know this is such a cliche, but I am slowly feeling like it’s true. The men I've dated recently are either afraid of commitment, ignore the underlying meanings to things, or don't realize when their actions or words mean something bigger. When do you consider it general male denseness or actually something they're hinting at, but afraid to admit out loud?

Signed, Doubtful Dater

The guest in this segment is Ronda L. Metcalf. She works at UCSF, dispatching for Facilities Services. She is the most awesome person to ever give advice on this podcast, even Momma B says so.

Question 3: Advice for those who looking to make a friendship into a romance.

I'm a 36-year old gay man who has always struggled to find relationships with people who share my desire to balance the brain AND body. I usually end up settling for men who only exhibits the desirable physical characteristics OR the intellectual ones. Ultimately, I’m left unsatisfied and move on quickly.

When I find someone I really like—which is rare—I am very cautious as I don't want to mess it up. I would like a long-term fulfilling relationship with a partner some day, but don't want to sacrifice potential friends to do so.

About a year ago, I was introduced to a man we'll call Handsome Nugget. He is the rare bird with both the brains & the body. For most of our dates, I made most of the plans, most of our conversations were about things he didn't like in his life, and the sex never felt quite right. We formally dated for about 2 months before I decided to call it off before we both grew resentful. I still really liked him, his interests, his wisdom, his body, his smile.

Recently he reached out to me when he learned about a tragedy in my life and we've rekindled a friendship, but neither of us have made any romantic moves. He and I can talk for hours and I feel really connected to him. He is someone I would like to have in my life for a long long time as a friend or preferably, a boyfriend.

How do I tell Handsome Nugget that I am interested in dating him seriously and getting physical without putting our friendship at risk?

Signed, Handsome Nugget Lover

The guest in this segment is Charlie Beckerman. Charlie Beckerman is kind of surprised anyone wants his advice about dating, but not so surprised that he's not going to give it. He's the creator of the podcast Serial Dater which can be found at www.serialdaterpodcast.com, as well as on iTunes and Stitcher. He's also one-half of Fashion It So, the Internet's premiere Star Trek: The Next Generation fashion blog. During the day he writes for Bustle.com about all sorts of political stuff. For more information about all of his projects, check out www.charliebeckerman.com.

Show Credits

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It produced & edited by me, RGB. Sound engineering by Bryan Garza. Our theme music is Love, Jerks.

Big thanks to everyone who sent us questions, and to all my friends who gave input & advice for this episode (Sasha, Ash, Aviva, Jane, Michael, Brad, and Bryan) and to Papa B and my sister Laura for helping me organize a special birthday treat for Momma B for her 70th birthday. If you’d like to add your birthday wish to Momma B, call 706-9-ASK-MOM, I promise to never answer if you promise always to sing.

 

Episode 1: Post-Election Advice

 

EPISODE 1: SHOW NOTES PART 1: WELCOME TO ADVICE FROM MOM. 

The episode is divided into segments, like a musical album, allowing you, our darling listener to pick and choose which questions you'd like to dive into. This post-election episode includes 3 questions and some general advice at the top and bottom of the show. We highly recommend a complete listen (but of course we would). 

Each question gets 3 doses of advice. First you’ll hear Momma B’s advice. Next: You’ll hear a segment called Mother-Daughter Pickelball, where your host, Rebecca presents some clarifying questions and builds on Momma B's advice. Last, you’ll hear a second opinion, because it’s always good to get a second opinion.

This podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to offer diagnosis or treatment of any medical or psychological condition. All treatment decisions should be made in partnership with your health professional.

 

PART 2: FOR THOSE OVERWHELMED BY RECENT NEWS

The question is:

Since the election, I can’t stop reading the news. It’s the only way I’ve found to wrap my brain around what just happened. It’s not calming. It’s fear-inducing. On the other hand, I know I can't just bury my head in the sand, as much as that sounds so nice right now. What are some good coping mechanisms? How can I stay engaged without being on edge all of the time? Signed, Feeling Blue in Blue State

The guest in this segment is Ahmad El Najar. Ahmad El Najar is a former legislative staffer and political campaign manager, now working on public policy and strategy at Townsquared in New York. Previously, he worked as the Communications Director, City and County of San Francisco, Board of Supervisors. He has an International Human Rights Law degree from Oxford University. His current political advocacy work is with Take Back NYC. [on LinkedIn]

As mentioned in this segment: Western Pennsylvania Conservancy.

 

PART 3: FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN POLITICALLY ACTIVATED

The question is:

I'm a normal person with a normal job and a pretty normal life. Like many people this election season, I was motivated by fear to step out of my comfort zone and get political. I made calls for the Hillary campaign, wrote #ImWithHer letters, and even wore business-casual clothes to Las Vegas where I stood outside for 12 hours as a poll observer. The thing is, I LOVED it. I loved that feeling of working hard for something that mattered, and it was about 10x more satisfying than the sizable paycheck I get from my corporate marketing job. Now the election is over and I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing... reading ALL the news, calling my local and national representatives, becoming a member of the ACLU, etc. But I feel like I'm permanently changed, and now everything in my day job seems so ridiculous and utterly meaningless. I used to think my job was fun, and that I was lucky for getting paid to be creative. Now I come home feeling disgusted with myself for wasting my brain, my time, and whatever meager semblance of talent I have left. (Yep, I'm in THAT kinda dark place.) My question is: What do I do now? How do I know if this feeling is a real sign to make a change or just a fleeting fancy of some 32-year-old with the social consciousness of a freshman at a liberal arts school? Signed, Optimistic People-Pleaser

The guest in this segment is Arun Chaudhary. Arun Chaudhary is a filmmaker working in politics. He is currently a partner at Revolution Messaging.

Chaudhary was the first official White House videographer, a position created for him at the beginning of the Obama administration. Chaudhary traveled extensively with the President, capturing public events and behind-the-scenes moments as well as producing and packaging presidential tapings for the Internet and broadcast television. He is the creator and architect of “West Wing Week,” the first-ever online video diary of the White House. During his tenure, he wrote, produced, shot and edited over 63 episodes of West Wing Week, documenting the President through his rigorous weekly agenda. He also directed many tapings of the Weekly Address.

Chaudhary was a key member of Barack Obama's New Media Team during the 2008 campaign. As the New Media Road Director, Chaudhary oversaw the team responsible for capturing the day-to-day life of the future president in video and stills. He and his team set a new standard in documenting history, delivering crucial images to the public from the road in real time.

Before joining the Obama team, Chaudhary worked in film in New York and was part of the NYU Graduate Film Department faculty. He received his MFA in Filmmaking from NYU and his BA in Film Theory from Cornell University. Chaudhary has been profiled by the New York Times, the BBC, National Journal, Politico, Fortune, and many political websites. He lives in Washington, D.C., with his wife, son and daughter.

 

PART 4 : FOR THOSE WHO FEEL ALIENATED AS A MINORITY

Here's the question:

As a minority, how do I deal with feelings of inadequacy, alienation, rejection anxiety, and hopelessness. At a personal level, I need some empowering alternatives to feeling like I "don't belong" here in the US?

A little backstory on me: I’m a non-political Latin American MD MBA, married to an American-born Anglo Saxon. We live a simple life in PA. I grew up during the war in my country of origin and have survived multiple traumas. Despite having worked in human development and altruism; despite having a legal status, being highly educated, and achieving a great deal of inner healing; the election results shook my insides to the point of anguish and powerlessness. Signed, Domesticated Fox

The guest in this segment is again, Ahmad El Najar. See his bio above (part 2)

As mentioned in this segment: World Without Hate.

PART 5: A RESISTANCE REVIVAL

As mentioned in this segment:  How to Host a Resistance Revival. 

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed this podcast, please subscribe. If you share this podcast with a friend in need, then you are a friend indeed!

A big thanks to our guests, Ahmad El Najar & Arun Chaudhary, to everyone who sent us questions, and to all my friends who beta-tested this episode (Aviva, Jane, Michael, Bryan, and Emily all the way up in Alaska) to Papa B, who patiently waited for so many suppers while Momma B and I recorded, and to my lovely husband who is an abundant source of helpfulness and has been very patient with me when I can't stop working on my new found love of podcast tinkering. And a huge big thank you to my mom for sharing her wisdom, her time, and her love.

Advice from Mom is a production of Wise Ones Advice Services. It produced & edited by me, RGB. Sound engineering by Bryan Garza. Publicity by Jane Riccobono. The music in this episode is by Love, Jerks. Their song, Little Less Lonesome, featured in this episode will be out in Spring 2017.

Bonus: Home for the Holidays

Bonus: show notes

This is a holiday bonus segment for Episode 01 of Advice from Mom.

If traveling for the holidays means visiting politically-divided households, this bonus is for you. Momma B & me would like to offer you a little audio care package for your journey.

Each question gets 3 doses of advice. First you’ll hear Momma B’s advice. Next: You’ll hear a segment called Mother-Daughter Pickleball, where your host, Rebecca presents some clarifying questions and builds on Momma B's advice. Last, you’ll hear a second opinion, because it’s always good to get a second opinion.

This is the question:

I voted for Hillary this election and let’s just say my mom voted very differently. She keeps telling me everything's fine. I should "get over it." She's invalidating my feelings and it absolutely breaks my heart. I consider my mom my best friend, but right now, she doesn't understand me.

I'm going to see her next week. I feel like if I attempt to talk to her about this, we'll both get too emotional and overreact. We are peas in a pod that way.

How can I move towards a place of understanding and forgiveness without causing a huge argument? I worry if I say something, it will end badly. If I don't say something, then her choice is validated, which I certainly don’t want. Is there middle ground?

Signed, Drinking in San Francisco